anyway, realised over these few months how WEAK i was actually. not only weak, but having lots n lots of flaws in my personlity. i really dont know how to handle these negative thoughts running through my head. escape them? sweep them under the rug? confront them? wallow in them, until i can sink no further, and i ll rise again, like a phoenix reborn from the ashes?
sorry. think im scaring those who arent used to seeing me this way.
what the hell are you jealous of?? what are you so obsessed about? her youth, her beauty? her freedom, at being able to do things that you couldnt? of living in her shadows?? her ability to be spoilt and expecting the world to revolve around her, and ha ha, getting whatever she wants? karma, the possibility of reaping what you sow? of being betrayed one day, just like how i was the third party??
fuck, why must i ALWAYS be the understanding one, to be shaped into your ideal. why can she just do whatever she wants, and gets away with it?? and you always think you're right, that you've done nothing wrong. honestly, you've broken my spirit and identity, in the name of "Settling down". fuck fuck fuck. i sound totally like a whining spoilt bitch myself.
i dont even know what am i holding on to.
whatever you want here